Muder Club Episode 1: lawman

So here it is, the first episode, be gentle with me.

Murder Club: lawman

Panel: Full panel shot of a PC monitor's screen. On it we can see a brief and vague message:
To: lawman
From: The Club
Subject: Request Approved

Member 138 (lawman), The Club has cleared your agreement to undertake the Request made by Member 2318 (false_echo) 1 day and 3 hours ago. The Club will soon be sending you a key and directions to its locker. In the locker you will find all necessary items to complete the Request. The Club standard rules apply, The Club must recieve photographic evidence of completion of the Request for it to be finished. You have 1 week.

Panel: Over shoulder shot of lawman, we can still see the PC monitor's screen. Only the very side of his face can be seen. The only light source comes from the PC screen, so his back is in shadow but his front is illuminated.
Narration (lawman): This'll be my fifth 'Request'. I've been with The Club now for nearly three years.

Panel: Upper body shot of lawman. He has his hands up to his chin, his bottom lip is resting on his interlocking fingers. The light from the PC screen is stark. It casts heavy shadows above his eyebrows and his hands throw shadow up the lower half of his face. The rest of his face is white from the glow.
Narration (lawman): Ever since I met with one of The Club's 'promoters' while giving evidence at a trial.

Panel: A flashback. We can see one arm and the side of lawman's head. His hand is out-stretched, he is shaking the hand of a smiling man who looks like John Waters in a white suit (for some reason I cannot explain!).
Narration (lawman): Nice guy ...I never got his name.

Panel: Back to upper body shot as above, but now lawman has moved one hand down and is clicking on the mouse in his hand. The lighting has changed slightly, showing that he has gone to a different page.
Narration (lawman): The trail wasn't going well for the prosecution. I was furious, the defense were using my testimony against me.

Panel: Another flashback. lawman is sitting down in the witness box in a court. He is dressed in 'beat cop' uniform (giving away his profession).
Narration (lawman): A petty drug dealer, high on his own product, guns down a mother and child on a busy street; and 20 witnesses 'saw nothing'.
Caption (lawyer for the defense): (Out of panel) You said he was 'wasted' and 'couldn't see straight' is that correct?
Caption (lawman): Yes. He was in a rage.

Panel: Another flashback panel. This time we can see the defense lawyer, the defendant and the whole of the back of the courtroom. We can just see the 'promoter' seated in one of the rows of seats. The defense lawyer is standing in the foreground looking at lawman (out of shot). Narration (lawman): That bastard knew how to push me.
Caption (Defense lawyer): Was a gun found?
Caption (lawman): It's not here is it?
Caption (Judge): (out of panel) Answer the question?

Panel: Close up of lawman on the stand. He looks pissed off.
Narration (lawman): The guy was guilty as sin.
Caption (lawman): No.
Caption (the defense): (out of panel) Were there any witnesses?
Caption (lawman): Yes.
Caption (the defense): Did the identify they defendant?
Caption (lawman): No.

Panel: Another flashback, jumping a little while ahead in time. The dealer is walking down the steps at the front of the court house, a free man. In the background we can just see the 'promoter' shaking lawman's hand.
Narration (lawman): That's what they wanted to hear. A guilty man walks free with one word.

Panel: (Still in flashback) In the foreground we can see the backs of the 'promoter' and lawman; we can see over their shoulders, they are looking down the steps of the court house, and watching the dealer get into a car.
Narration (lawman): What little evidence we had against him fell apart. They call it 'Plausible Deniability'. I call it a joke.

Panel: (Still in flashback) We jump ahead in time again. Side shot. The promoter and lawman are sitting outside a small cafe. They are seated face to face at opposite sides of a small table. The promoter is still smiling.
Narration (lawman): He knew everything about me. He told me I'd make a perfect candidate. He broke it all down for me.
Caption (Promoter): We know that crime isn't black and white. The law doesn't make exceptions.
Panel: An upper body shot of the promoter. He is still smiling. (I have this image of John Waters grinning like V from V for Vendetta) He has a tea cup in his hand, it is held half way to his mouth. Caption (Promoter): We... do.

Panel: Side shot of lawman and the promoter again. The promoter is leaning forward a little, over the table. His mouth is open, he is talking and still has a hint of a smile on his face. lawman is leaning back a little, reclining in his chair, but the promoter has his full attention.
Narration (lawman): We talked for the best part of an hour. He told me everything without admitting anything ...'Plausible Deniability' again.

Panel: The promoter is leaving. We can only see the trunk of his body, he is shaking lawman's hand. We can see lawman's upper body, he is still seated and is looking up at the promoter. He looks a little bewildered.
Narration (lawman): He told me The Club would contact me soon, then he left. He even paid the tab.

Panel: (Back to the present) A birds eye view of a large building. There is an elongated glass roof running most of the length of it. Tiny ant-like figures of people can be seen walking about the outside of the building.
Caption: Central Train Terminal. 2 days later.

Panel: Inside the train station. A wide shot over a crowd of people. lawman is walking amonst them. He is walking casually along. He is wearing everyday clothes, a jacket and some slacks. Narration (lawman): So I became a sort of gun for hire. I'd killed in the line of duty before joining The Club. So the idea of killing someone didn't bother me too much...

Panel: A close up of lawman as he reaches the top of a flight of steps. His hand is resting on a hand rail.
Narration (lawman): ...and the pay isn't bad either.

Panel: A long side shot of lawman walking through another crowd. In the background we can see the the train station extending quite a distance back.
Narration (lawman): We are all anonymous, The Club know who we are; but Club rules prohibit revealing our identities to each other.

Panel: A close up shot of lockers. We can see their numbers (234, 235, 236, 237, 238...) Narration (lawman): Requests can be made on anyone; but The Club have to ok each Request before they can be undertaken.

Panel: Even closer up, the locker numbers are central now. (271, 272, 273, 274...)
Narration (lawman): They had no trouble with this one. I never take on complex Requests.

Panel: Even closer. (289, 290, 291...)
Narration (lawman): And my needs are simple.

Panel: lawman has stopped at a locker. The number is 301. lawman is examining the locker key.

Panel: We are inside the locker, the door is open. We can see lawman's face and chest looking in.

Panel: We can now see the contentsof the locker. A semi-auto pistol sits on top of a pair of leather gloves which inturn sit on a large envelope.

Panel: We jump forward in time. It is night. It is raining. We can see the edges of two buildings, in the middle of the two is an alleyway. It is pitch black. A few people go past, walking down the street.

Panel: A shot of the intended 'target'. He is across the street, standing with a group of people. They are talking. The 'target' is dressed in baggy street clothes. He has the hood of his jacket pulled up over his head hiding most of his face from us.
Narration (lawman): I often watch them first.

Panel: Same as first panel (alleyway panel). The image hasn't changed except for that there are different people walking past the alleyway.
Narration (lawman): I have to know for myself. I have to see it with my own eyes.

Panel: Another shot of the 'intended'. He is passing something to a 'friend' discreetly, and something is being handed to him in kind.

Panel: Alleyway panel again. Only now, lawman's face can be partly seen in the alleyway. Some of his features are harshly illuminated by the light from the street.
Narration (lawman): I have to be certain of their guilt.

Panel: A close up of the 'things' being exchanged. Being passed to the 'target' is a small revolver, being passed to his 'friend' is a small wad of money.
Narration (lawman): Bingo.

Panel: A few minutes later. A shot of another street. It is still raining. Walking down the street towards us is the target, his hood is still up. A few pedestrians are walking in the opposite direction. In the middle distance, huddled up, also with his hood up, and following the target is lawman.

Panel: A close up shot of the target's head as he stops at a street corner. He still has his hood up, only the bottom half of his face can be seen properly. In the background we can see lawman. He is watching and waiting from afar.

Panel: Same as above. Only now the target is casually looking to one side. We can see a little more of his face as his hood twists about. We can still see lawman waiting in the background.

Panel: From over lawman's shoulder we can see the target glancing back. He is looking in lawman's direction. The rain pours down between them.
Narration (lawman): Hello...

Panel. Same as above but now the target has turned his head. He is now looking ahead again.

Panel: Same as above again, but now the target has started to run. He is leaning forward and to one side, his arms are drawn up, fists clenched as he sprints away.
Narration (lawman): Crap.

Panel: A birds eye view. Rain falls down to the ground below us. We can see the two small figures of lawman and the target running.

Panel: An action shot of lawman lunging forward and to one side, jumping at the target who is out of panel. His arms are out stretched. His hood has fallen back revealing his face. His mouth is open and he is baring his teeth. A grimacing expression is drawn across his face as he pounces.

Panel: A close up side on, shot of lawman as he crashes into the target, they have both tumbled to the ground.
Caption (target): Oooofff!

Panel: An upper body shot. lawman has dragged the target to his feet. He has his left arm wrapped tightly around the target's neck. The target and lawman are turned to face us. lawman is snarling into the targets ear. We can see the target's face now as his head is pulled backwards slightly. In the background we can see the walls of a few buildings.
Caption (lawman): Don't make a sound or I'll snap your neck.

Panel: Same shot as above only now lawman has walked the target backwards. We can see the two head-to-toe; they move into the background of the panel and are partly enveloped in the shadow of an alleyway.

Panel: Same as above only now they have vanished. We are left with an image similar to the first 'alleyway panel', two brick walls either side of an alleyway cast in complete shadow. This time there are no other people crossing back and fore.

Panel: We can see almost all of lawman and the target, only their lower legs are out of panel. They are facing us. lawman has his back against a grubby brick wall, the target is in front of lawman obscuring most of lawman's body. His left arm is still wrapped tightly around the target's neck. The target is gripping tightly to lawman's wrist with both his hands in effort to free himself. In lawman's right hand is his gun, we can see about half of it as he has it pressed up against the middle of the target's back, because of this the target is bent backwards slightly. Both men are gnashing their teeth in determination. Thier eyes are meeting; lawman's eyes are nothing more than thin slits, the target's are wide and wild.
Caption (target): Oh God! Please... no...

Panel: Same as above only now the target has a look of shock on his face; he is no longer looking at lawman, instead his wide eyes don't seem to be focused on anything, he just seems to be staring through him. lawman is snarling more than ever, he is still staring intently at the target. The target's right hand is out-stretched and slightly clawed as though he is trying in vain to grasp something. From out of the target's chest three thick bursts of blood are erupting. It is obvious that lawman has fired his gun into the target's back. (There would be 'text effects' to accompany this image; eg: BAM BAM BAM etc)
Narration (lawman): His body hides the flashes, muffles the sounds.

Panel: The target lies on his back on the floor. He is dying, there is a spattering of blood around his mouth. His hand grips lawman's trouser leg. lawman stands infornt of the target. His legs hide most of the target's lower midsection. We can't see the upper half of his body. Some more TFX (text effects) would be on this panel: a mysterious squeaking noise (the sound of a silencer being twisted into place)
Capiton (target): (This would be garbled) Please... help...

Panel: Same as above only this time lawman is pointing the now silenced pistol at the target's head.
Narration (lawman): He has to be dead before The Club will close the Request.

Panel: A shot from the outside of the alleyway. There is a flash and a silhouette of the lawman is cast against one of the walls. It is warped slightly by the origin of the flash.

Panel: An upper body shot of lawman. We are looking up at him so the lower half of his body is larger than normal. In his hand is a small digital camera. He is holding it ready, pointing it at us almost.
Narration (lawman): Smile for the camera.

Panel: Simply a white flash, only the very edges of the panel (where the flash doesn't reach) are visible. The imagery in these extremities is similar to the above panel. A TFX 'beep' would be present in this panel.

So there we go. As I previously mentioned, this is just a rough draft, it is better to have something nailed down at least. There are plenty of places for improvement and equally so there are places in the text that I am pleased with.
As you can see my 'paneling' is left very open as I have no specific ideas on structure and positioning. And you may have noticed that I have only described some panels in alot of detail, these panels I cannot change because they burn the brightest in my mind, they are sort of set in stone, I like them too much. The other panels, and non-specific details I want to leave up to the future artist, to allow them to leave their mark on the piece.